I hate this part

I'm here again. The part where life is telling me that I don't control anything, that your plans can change in an instant and you can never really tell what's gonna come next. Right now, things don't seem to be going quite the way I though they would. But that's just life right? Everyone has these moments of pure uncertainty. The so called 'gray' areas we encounter all too often in life. Somehow things just get a little more complicated and it takes that much more effort to reach that certain goal you've been aiming for. People leave, things change and you wish that you had been more open, more trusting and made the most of it. The unexpected happens, and you wished you could have lived for that particular moment when you could have because, well, in the end, it just might be too late.

Wishlist

1. Save up for my internship in Singapore which is in approximately 5 months

2. Save up or my last year in Uni which begins right after said internship

3. Look for a part-time job to actually initiate the saving up process 

    (How I regret turning down that part-time job was offered to edit photos)

4. Save up for a trip to Hong Kong next year with my best friend 

5. Graduate from University and become less of a burden (Coz lately that's how I've been feeling)

Twilight

So I recently joined in on the twilight bandwagon, and I don't care if people say that I've conformed hahaha. There's a reason why the book is a freaking best seller. And the reason is Edward Cullen. Imagine being immortal and not finding love  until 90 years later. To make things worse, the girl he falls in love with is human, and he must fight his every being not to kill her every time he breathes in her scent. Oh how I wish I had an Edward Cullen. Ahhh I absolutely can't wait for the movie to come out! I've watched the trailer like a million times...I just hope I don't get dissapointed after reading the book. I said I was only going to read the first book too see what the buzz was all about, but now I'm thinking of getting the next 3 to complete my collection teehee:)

If I were boy

If I were a boy even just for a day

I'd roll out of bed in the morning 

And throw on what I wanted

And go drink beer with the guys

And chase after girls

I'd kick it with who I wanted

And never get confronted for it

Coz they stick up for me

If I were a boy

I think I could understand

How it feels to love a girl

I swear I'd be a better man

I'd listen to her 

Coz I know how it hurts

When you lose the one you wanted

And everything you had got destroyed

If I were a boy

I would turn off my phone

Tell everyone it's broken

So they'd think I was sleeping alone

I'd put myself first

And make the rules as I go

Coz I know that she'd be faithful

Waiting for me to come home, come home

Beyonce tells it like it is:)

Fill me up

For the longest time in my life, I've felt this empty void inside me, just yearning to be filled. Through the years, I've attempted to fill that void- surrounding myself with my family, my best friends, and just things that I loved doing and was passionate about. Despite being so blessed with everything I have right now, after 20 years of existence, this feeling of loneliness and emptiness is the one  thing that never changes in my life. Sure, there were times when I considered being happy, but those moments were just all too brief and don't even measure up to those moments I felt completely alone. I'd just like to find that something, that someone who could make me whole. For once, I'd like to know how it feels to be complete. 

Realization

I don't know if it's just me, but 2008 seems to have gone by in a blink of an eye.  Probably the fastest year that has passed ever. Maybe the fact that this was a really busy year for me, balancing everything from uni work, freelance design work, family, friends, and everything else in between has kept me quite stressed and preoccupied that I haven't notice the time passing by. I just feel like somehow, ever since the year started, everything's gone fast forward and boom it's late October already. I have come to fully believe in the cliche that we have to live every moment as if it's our last, because life is waaay too short to be sad, worried, hesitant or angry all the time. I've also come to the realization that we shouldn't let the little things get us down, because in the end, looking at the bigger  picture is what really matters the most. Forgive and forget. Let go of your inhibitions. Go with the flow. Words that been said way too much but mean a great deal. For a time I didn't know what those words meant exactly, but I'm so glad that I do now. This year has been good to me. Although in the beginning I have to admit that I was pretty lost and confused about a lot of things, I've grown so much from that now and I'm thankful for the people I've met, experiences I've gained, and people who have always been there- my family and truest friends.